Stepping away after a heavy semester

I think I’ve reached the point where I’m properly tired.

Not in a dramatic way, and not in a way that feels unsustainable, but just that steady, underlying fatigue that builds up over a few months without you really noticing it at the time. The semester has been busy, which I knew it would be, but it’s only now that things are slowing down slightly that I can actually see how much I’ve been doing. Between juggling data for three studies and working part time alongside that, most of the past few months have felt quite full. There hasn’t been a huge amount of space to step back and reflect, it’s mostly been about keeping things moving. Finishing one task, moving on to the next, and trying to stay on top of everything without letting anything slip too far behind.

I think I’ve been quite good at doing that, but it does come at a cost. When you’re constantly focused on what needs to be done next, it’s easy to ignore how you’re actually feeling. You just keep going because that’s what you do. So now that things are easing off a bit, it’s been noticeable how much I’ve needed to slow down.

I haven’t completely stopped working, but I’ve definitely taken the pressure off. I’m not trying to be as productive as I was during the semester, and I’m not setting myself strict targets for what I need to get done each day. Instead, it’s more about doing what feels manageable and leaving the rest for later. That’s been harder than I expected.

There’s a part of me that feels like I should be using this time more efficiently. That I should be getting ahead, making progress, or at least keeping up the same pace. It’s quite difficult to switch out of that mindset once you’ve been in it for a while. But at the same time, it’s very clear that continuing at that pace wouldn’t make much sense. I wouldn’t be doing my best work, and I’d probably just end up more tired going into the next part of the year.

So I’m trying to treat this as proper time off, even if it’s not completely structured. Running has still been a bit inconsistent because of my ankle, so I haven’t been able to rely on that in the same way I usually would. I’ve been walking more instead, which has actually been quite nice. It’s slower, obviously, but it still gives me that time outside and a bit of space away from everything else.

I’ve also been getting back into photography a bit, which is something I hadn’t really made time for while things were busy. It’s been quite refreshing to do something that isn’t tied to any kind of output or deadline. There’s no pressure to produce anything specific, it’s just about going out and noticing things. It’s a very different way of thinking compared to academic work. There’s no right or wrong, no need to analyse anything too deeply, just a bit of time spent paying attention to what’s around me. That’s been a useful shift, especially after a few months of fairly structured thinking.

I think what I’m realising is that this kind of time isn’t wasted, even if it feels less productive on the surface. It’s just a different type of productivity. Not the kind that shows up in completed tasks or finished pieces of work, but the kind that makes it easier to return to those things with a clearer head. It’s also a reminder that it’s possible to step back without everything falling apart. During the semester, it can feel like you need to keep pushing or things will slip. But taking a bit of time away hasn’t caused any problems. If anything, it’s made things feel a bit more manageable.

I don’t have a particularly structured plan for the rest of the month. I’m not trying to achieve anything specific, which feels slightly unusual but also quite necessary. It’s more about maintaining a bit of movement, keeping things ticking over, and allowing myself to rest properly. I think that’s probably the main takeaway from this point in the year. After a period of quite sustained effort, it’s okay to step back a bit. Not as a reward, and not because everything is finished, but simply because it’s needed.

And right now, that feels like enough.